Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
