from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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