I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
