Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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