how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize