there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
