Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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