think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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