feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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