the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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