My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
