just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize