Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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