Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
