I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
