Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
