Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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