You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
