do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
