How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize