he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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