Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
