I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
