I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize