can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
