We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
