i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
