fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
