Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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