So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
