the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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