I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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