dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
