My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Randomize