Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize