Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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