Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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