my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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