It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
