She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
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