My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
