she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
