I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
