Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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