I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Can I color on your dick again?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize