In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
