dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
