Just cropdusted the office
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
