I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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