im holly from the hills drunk
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
