I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize