im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
When did we convert life to cartoon?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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