How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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