every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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