I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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