i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
