As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize