My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
