my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
...so i touched it.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
