Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
