I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize