you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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