im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
