Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
