there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Where is the hickey?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
