I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
