what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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