Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
