You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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