I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Randomize
