so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
