Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
