I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
