I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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