I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize