oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
