dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
