You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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