Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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