I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
