Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
