Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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