I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
