I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I am midnight drunk by noon
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
