Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
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