Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
