I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
