I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
