Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
