his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
