i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
he was CRYING into my vagina
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize