so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
