so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
and she was petting her beer can
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
