mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
