He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
