Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
