Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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