dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
