I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
