when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
