Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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