I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
