so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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