Dual....:-)
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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