My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
