I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize