i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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