we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
