saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
