Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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