You made me cry and you don't even care
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize