I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
